2004-11-10 - 6:09 p.m.
[Leason] Leason 1 - Presex: The relationship

It doesn't matter if you're entering a new relationship or you've been with the same person for the past 50 years, a relationship is based on mutual respect, trust and a feeling of wanting the best for each other. Whether you're male or female it makes no difference, if you feel loved, wanted, and desired you will enjoy sex alot more and thus your enjoyment will add to your partners.

So what are the dos' and don'ts' before during and after sex? How can you improve the closeness of your relationship? Well thats what this leason is all about. Before anything should happen in the bedroom, assuming this isn't a one night romp, you should get to know each other on a spirtual level. This may sound corny, but understanding your partner outside of the bedroom will help give you some insight during love making. Trying to hold of from sex at this point will only heighten the experience when it finially does happen. 2 quick notes before I continue though, firstly don't push your way inside your partners head. If your partner has walls up, there is a reason. Try to make them feel comfortable and safe, let them know that you will be there for them if they ever want to talk about anything or share anything. Leave it there, do not push, part of understanding your partner is understanding his/her limits. The other thing is its common knowledge that women need what I just said, what isn't as known is men do to. Create a "safe" environment for your partner, where s/he can speak freely without being critisied or negitively treated for their thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes and dreams. Be as open with your partner as you comfortably can, even if your partner doesn't feel comfortable sharing the same amount in return. This behaviour will help to prove your partner with a "safe" environment and hopefully encourage them to open up more in the long run. On the same account never push you're partner, this will only make them close off further. Accept your partner for who s/he is and do not try to change them.

Show your partner s/he is cared about remember romance is neither dead nor just for women. It has long sence been the complaint by women near and far that their partner isn't romantic, or at least not anymore. The first question I suggest to a woman in that position is when was the last time you did something romantic for your man? Remember also that as individual as each person is, as is the idea of romance. Ie. What you find romantic isn't always what your partner finds romantic, thus the first step above being getting to know your partner. 2 things that seem to be universal turn ons though are, for a woman: a man whom does house work without a word uttered, and for a man: a woman whom doesn't nag. So I guess that should give a general idea about how men and women differ.

Ok, so you've gotten to know your partner somewhat, and romance is a go, your in the mood, so how do you know if your partner is at the same place you are. Well a few things which may indocate your partner is feeling frisky are;

groping, thrusting, and alots of passionate kissing are obvious signs, but others may include a woman dressing a tight fitting clothing to assenuating her every curve, running her hand slowly, gently up and down her mans arm, licking the lips or teeth, battering eyelids, biting of the bottom lip, overly smiling or otherwise being flirtatious and a man lazily stroking his partners hair, neck or back, being very "huggy" exspecially around the chest region, stroking his partners leg, resting his hand on his partners knee. Of course there are many signs which may signal your partners friskiness, to many to list here. It is also important to note that these are guides and do not always mean your partner is "in the mood".

The following are signs your partner is definately not in the mood;

(1) Any defensive body language like pulling away while you're trying to hug or embrace them, crossing arms, moving the face so you can not kiss their lips, etc.

(2) Literally telling you to "back off", "slow down", "stop", "no" or trying to put the subject onto something else like the whether, sport, daily events, etc.

You must respect your partners wishes not to engage in sex, remember no means no and you can not violate that. This however does not mean it is ok to "tease" your partner. While they still should respect you saying no, exspect them to feel betrayed, isolated, and not very cared about. If you don't want to go all the way, let them know before you get all hot and heavy. And if you don't want to do anything sexual at all, don't give off signals to your partner that you do.

So you and your partner are both hot for each other, now what? Take it slow, take your time to explore each others bodies. Use lots of touch, massage, kissing, licking, biting, experiment with oral sex. Communication during sex is essential, far too often people fail to continue to communicate while making love. Let your partner know what you like, try suggesting some things you try together, give your partner feedback on what they are doing, and actively ask your partner what they like and dislike. It is important you never lie to your partner during sex. If you don't like something, or don't feel comfortable doing something, even just for that session let your partner know that. It is important for you both, that you never; fake orgasm or do something you don't wish to do simply for your partners benefit. If you're both not enjoying yourself, then it will degrade the experience for you both, and will continue past the current session even if that same act isn't repeated. The first time you get under the covers with your partner doesn't even need to include intercourse. Try prolonging intercourse until you know each others bodies, basic likes and dislikes and any bondaries well.

Once you do start making love there are a few dos' and don'ts, do:

(a)Pay attention to your partners needs, wants and desires.
(b)Pay attention to your partners feedback, suggestions, fears and body language.
(c)Take your time, unless its ment to be a quicky, there is no rush so take it slow.
(d)Touch your partner alot, give oral sex and continue to use your fingers during intercourse.
(e)Try stimulating your partners gentials (including nipples) with your fingers during intercourse
(f)Cuddle, caress and talk after sex; hold onto the connection as long as possible
(g)Try to last at least 15 minutes
(h)Stay awake for at least 10 minutes after sex.
(i)Try to pleasure you partner
(j)Try to make your partner cum before you
(k)Get to know what your partner does and doesn't like
(j)Make your partner feel safe, comfortable and loved

Don't:
(a)Ignor your partner, during or after sex
(b)Try to cum as fast as possible
(c)Fart (unless you both have a thing for that it ruins the mood)
(d)Decide you need to use the bathroom part way through (toilet breaks should be before events begin.)
(e)Scream someone elses name
(f)Force or make your partner feel obliged to do something
(g)Get up and walk off after sex
(h)Roll over and/or instantly go to sleep after sex
(i)Fall sleep during sex
(j)Occupy yourself with something else immediately after sex
(k)Rate the sex session poorly in a hurtful or thoughtless way
(l)Assume because it feels good for you, it feels the same for your partner

Be patient with your partner, exspecially if s/he is having sexual trouble. If your partner sex wasn't as good as you'd anticipated, talk to your partner, let them know that you still care about them, and that you will want to keep trying to make love. Make them aware that it takes time and practise to improve.

[Too be continued]

<:Previous::-::Next:> Milkslave says: "Practise safe sex"

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